The Lougan Condition

Transporting A Cat

with Lonesome Betty

I don't know what it is but cats seem to know when something is up. I tried training the damn thing by putting treats in his cage months ago but when it comes time to actually take the heathen somewhere he's all claws and teeth about it. I used to drive him around - back when I still had my licence (or car for that matter) - and he'd be yowlin' away in the back window like a weirdo and then pissed down my neck one time so I hadda put an end to the drives. I thought it'd be cool 'cuz my sister in law's cat likes to sit in her lap with her little paws on the wheel just like that old skit on Sat Nite Live.

I found the best way to transport a cat is to tackle him with a thick old blanket and wrap that around him before he can sink his teeth into your arm and don't let him know in advance by approachin' him with the blanket. Sit calmly on the couch with the blanket until he comes over and then pounce on him like you're a cat and maybe he'll understand. I gotta find another vet too because of the last visit which went a little sour. If you go there you can still see the claw scatches in the doorframe from when I ran into a little trouble with my boots, well they ain't really my boots, I borrowed them from one of my friends but they're a couple a sizes too big and I tripped on the step. Good thing they come up to my thigh or else I'd a got a new bruise.

Anyways, looks like Sanchez here can keep his claws a while longer. I got a pellet gun if he goes near the curtains again... Maybe he doesn't like going anywhere 'cuz the last time he lost his cocobas. Poor little guy.