A LOUGAN (EXTENDED) FAMILY CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

Featuring all your favorite Lougans - Lonesome Betty, Ginger P, Bernie Finklestein, Jack the Dog Barker and an extra special message from Boo the Bear! (oh and uh me... Grunter Stevenson)

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The Setting: Lonesome Betty's House of Love

The Time: Christmas Eve

The Booze: Two cases of Lakeport Honey, half a Texas Mickey of Johnnie Walker Black Label, some coolers or some shit like that... And a jug of Peach-Pot Wine! ~ "Ya don't really get a hang-over. Ya just stay stoned." ~

Our family sits around the shrine of the television. Worshipping that which makes their own lives so... miserable.

Grunter enters, carrying a banana-box full of chips, pretzels, some Gatorade and a frozen turkey.

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Grunter Stevenson: Holy Crap! Danny's No Frills stinks like shit...

Lonesome Betty: Really?

GS: Yeah. I mean, something obviously died in the milk cooler and it must've been Welfare Wednesday 'cuz everybody was fucked up looking and I swear somebody shit themselves.

Bernie Finklestein: That's fucked up.

GS: I'll say. It was crowded too! These idiots didn't know how to operate in a grocery store. They'd stop in the stupidest places and can't steer or nothin'

Ginger Pot: Well, give them a break. Maybe they don't get out much.

BF: Y'know. I used to live out west and my biggest regret about moving back east was no longer being able to go to the store in my pyjamas...

LB: Whad'ya mean? I go to the store in my pyjamas all the time!

BF: I was talkin' about Toronto, not Hamilton!

LB: Oh.

(pause)

GP: What's up with Jack? He doesn't look too good.

GS: He ate a shitload of candy Bet's kid had stashed under the kitchen counter...

LB: No - I stashed it there myself 'cuz I wanted him to have some when he got outta care and I din't want you two dickheads eatin' it all...

GS and BF: Oh.

(pause)

GP: What time is Paul working until?

LB: I don't fuckin' know. He can fuckin' go fuck himself for all I fuckin' care.

- AND ON IT WENT INTO THE NIGHT...

Boo the Bear says: "It's a good thing us animals can't operate firearms."

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!