Interview with Jack the Dog Barker

Internationally renowned canine communicator speaks to Lougan Watch at the lougan headquarters on Barton Street.

Grunter Stevenson: Jack, you've been called both a charlatan and a bit of a wanker. How do you respond to these allegations?

Jack the Dog Barker: Well... first of all Grunter, I'd like to say what a pleasure it is to be here. Nice to see you again.

GS: Whatever.

JB: Yes, well... I can understand some people's hesitancy to accept the canine perspective...

GS: But you're really a dog right?

JB: Yes. I'm a Jack Russell.

GS: So how do you talk, like - ruff-ruff?

JB: That may be a common misconception, I don't actually talk, per-say... rather I transmit my thoughts via the ether.

GS: Is that like, gasoline?

JB: Uh, no. It's a term to well, it can be a colourless liquid distillate or uh, the sky, but I'm using it to describe what formerly was thought to be a kind of substance that filled all space and acted as a medium for the transmission of radio waves which does in fact, exist to this day...

GS: Ooohhh... Can you spell that?

JB: Spell what?

GS: Never mind. So Jack, can you lick your own balls?

JB: I uh...

GS: C'mon...

JB: Ahem. Well, yes I, for hygenic purposes. Yes. I don't really see the point in this...

GS: Sorry bud, just givin' ya a hard time. How's the ol' lady?

JB: Fine.

GS: Cool. So uh, you got twenty bucks I can borrow?

JB: What?

GS: I'm a bit strapped right now...

JB: Where am I going to put twenty bucks?

GS: I don't know... Up your ass?

JB: See you later Grunter.

GS: Okay, see ya... Hey come back. Let's go for a beer. No? Okay... motherfucker.