This may seem like old news but I just goy it via snail mail from my buddy Jack the Dog Barker. He's a bit old fashioned and so sent me a photocopy of a letter he had received from Boo the Bear. Boo the Bear was in the news recently for having escaped once or twice from the fine officials at B.C. Parks:

Dear Jack,

They want to cut my cocobas off dude! All's I want is to sit on my ass all day, eating, getting set up for winter when these fuckin' stick insects trap me in a cage, like which, I shoulda seen comin' and then they pop me with some heavy shit, like, no mushrooms I ever ate before and boom - I wake up in a bigger cage with a concrete floor! I've crapped my last berry if I wasn't madder than I've ever been!!!
I fuckin' got outta there as fast as I could - don't ask me how - but I was only out for a few days before they nailed me again with that sweet beesting shit and boom - I'm back in the can again. Fuck me, so I got outta there again by basically pulling the fence apart with my teeth and now I'm like, miles away in a secret location bangin' bitches and eatin' some crunchy-sweet carpenter ants... Anyways Bro, if they get me again, I heard by a grapevine in some suburb I stumbled upon - word is they wanna deep six my testicles cuz I'm an "aggresive bear". Fuck that shit, I'm layin' on my back gettin' my dick licked and then maybe wanderin' down to the water to see how the fish look. "Aggresive Bear" my ass. Take my nuts and you might as well take me.
Fight the power.

Regards,

Boo-yah