LIFE OF LOUGAN

by Jack the Dog Barker

An ankle-eye view of the typical Lougan household. Featuring... Lonesome Betty Lougan, Tall Paul Lougan, some guy named Reggie and another loser named Bob. Starring the sage presence of Jack the Dog Barker.

The story takes place in the livingroom of a cheap rental house. Centre-stage is a couch, chair, coffee table and lamp - all Salvation Army issue. A television with a stereo piled on top of it faces away from us stage left. A cooler full of beer is prepared off stage right. Exit left front door, right for kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. Downstage is the front window... Let's have a sniff around shall we? *

* (All events have actually occurred although not neccesarily in this order or to these people).

Act I, sc i

Lights up - TALL PAUL, on couch and REGGIE, in chair are watching television. JACK sprawls majestically at their feet. We hear the SOUND of a hockey game throughout most of the scene. BOB, exhausted, enters -left- carrying two cases of beer.

JACK Woof.
BOB Hey.
PAUL Hey man.

BOB Who's winning?
PAUL Washington.
REGGIE Fuckers.
BOB Beer?
PAUL Cheers.
BOB Reggie?
REGGIE Yeah.
BOB hands them each a beer and sits down. Pause while he settles in. LONESOME BETTY enters -right- and begins hitting TALL PAUL over the head with a glass ashtray. He defends himself but does not strike back.
LO BET You fuckin' asshole!
She exits -right- just as quickly.
BOB Holy fuck! What the hell was that all about?
PAUL Nothin... (loud) She's just a fuckin' bitch is all.
LO BET (offstage) Faggot!
BOB Jesus.
REGGIE She's fuckin' shitfaced man.
BOB No doubt.
PAUL She's a fuckin' bitch.
All three react simultaneously as a near miss occurs in the (televised) hockey game.
REGGIE Oooo...
BOB Oh!
PAUL Ah.

JACK Woof-woof.