LIFE OF LOUGAN

by Jack the Dog Barker

An ankle eye-view of the typical Lougan household. Featuring... Lonesome Betty Lougan, Tall Paul Lougan, some guy named Reggie and another loser named Bob. Starring the huge balls of Jack the Dog Barker.

Act I, sc ii

BOB So listen, I need to borrow your truck sometime tomorrow.

PAUL Sure. What'sp?

BOB Aw... my fuel pump's fucked so I hadda park it up on the highway last night.

PAUL How'd you get here?

BOB Walked.

REGGIE That's fucked up.

PAUL Why didn't you call us.

BOB I don't have no cellphone...

REGGIE So you need a hand?

BOB I can just pick up the part and swap it over quick.

PAUL How're you gonna get my truck back?

BOB I don't know. I'll bring it back and then take the bus out.

REGGIE Might as well go right to the impound bud.

BOB Whaddya mean?

REGGIE That thing'll get towed in five minutes.

BOB No way.

REGGIE I kid you not. They got a new policy.

BOB I seen stuff parked up for days.

REGGIE Not any more.

BOB Shit. (to PAUL) Can I use your truck now?

PAUL Too late amigo.

BOB Fuck.

LONSOME BETTY enters -right- and all three freeze. She sits down on the couch and begins rolling a cigarette as though nothing had happened.

LO BET Who's winning?

BOB Wasington.

LO BET Fuckin' fuckers.

Then, as if noticing BOB for the first time -

LO BET Hey. Where the fuck were you yesterday? You were s'posed to help me pick up my cheque.

BOB Sorry, I was delayed en root.

LO BET Well sorry, but what the fuck am I s'posed to do?

PAUL Have a beer why don't you.

BOB Why can't Paul drive you?

PAUL Somebody's got to work around here.

LO BET (to PAUL) You're a fuckin' homosexual you know that?

PAUL Yeah, whatever...

PAUL makes an exaggerated display of rubbing his head. LONESOME BETTY makes an exaggerated display of giving a shit.