THE LOUGAN CONDITION
Short Man Syndrome
What is it. How we can avoid it.
Short Man Syndrome is a socio-economic disease commonly found in the lougan community. It affects approx. 95% of all males under the height of say, 5' 6" and has far-reaching and often tragic consequences. Most notably, SMS sufferers will be (to varying dgrees) angry, disaffected, vindictive, violent and ugly little pricks. They may seek to compensate for their perceived disorder by adopting quirky haircuts, platform shoes, cars with big tires (see also No Dick Syndrome) and perhaps most disconcertingly, a tendancy to be snivilling little whiners who will stab you in the back at the first opportunity. As a case study, we refer you to subject A(hole), Tall Paul. Tall Paul is a pseudonym but I think you know who we mean. Subject A is typical in many degrees of this socio-sexual malaise in that he sports a spikey, thinning-on-top mullet, two-sizes too big boots, packs a weapon and will gladly sell anyone out if the price is right. I know we said we'd be covering skidmarks this issue but that joke is kind of a one-off. Tall Paul likes to come across all buddy-buddy but I can assure you he is a rat and deserves to die. I may seem a little angry here but that is one of the contact reactions to the little weiner.
Speaking of little weiners, legendary ass-sniffer Jack the Dog Barker just dropped by because I was going to have him sit in as an expert on skidmarks so what the hell...
Grunter Stevenson: Jack, I've seen you dragging your butt across both the front lawn and the carpet in the living room, what gives?
Jack the Dog Barker: I didn't come here to be abused.
GS: Okay okay, listen... uh, what role does diet play in the formation of skid marks?
JB: Well Grunter, in my studies of the subject I have found that a fatty diet consisting of fast food, snacks and other goo can lead to a condition known as gummy-dumps. Gummy-dumps may smell good to a dog but...
Short Man Syndrome
What is it. How we can avoid it.
Short Man Syndrome is a socio-economic disease commonly found in the lougan community. It affects approx. 95% of all males under the height of say, 5' 6" and has far-reaching and often tragic consequences. Most notably, SMS sufferers will be (to varying dgrees) angry, disaffected, vindictive, violent and ugly little pricks. They may seek to compensate for their perceived disorder by adopting quirky haircuts, platform shoes, cars with big tires (see also No Dick Syndrome) and perhaps most disconcertingly, a tendancy to be snivilling little whiners who will stab you in the back at the first opportunity. As a case study, we refer you to subject A(hole), Tall Paul. Tall Paul is a pseudonym but I think you know who we mean. Subject A is typical in many degrees of this socio-sexual malaise in that he sports a spikey, thinning-on-top mullet, two-sizes too big boots, packs a weapon and will gladly sell anyone out if the price is right. I know we said we'd be covering skidmarks this issue but that joke is kind of a one-off. Tall Paul likes to come across all buddy-buddy but I can assure you he is a rat and deserves to die. I may seem a little angry here but that is one of the contact reactions to the little weiner.
Speaking of little weiners, legendary ass-sniffer Jack the Dog Barker just dropped by because I was going to have him sit in as an expert on skidmarks so what the hell...
Grunter Stevenson: Jack, I've seen you dragging your butt across both the front lawn and the carpet in the living room, what gives?
Jack the Dog Barker: I didn't come here to be abused.
GS: Okay okay, listen... uh, what role does diet play in the formation of skid marks?
JB: Well Grunter, in my studies of the subject I have found that a fatty diet consisting of fast food, snacks and other goo can lead to a condition known as gummy-dumps. Gummy-dumps may smell good to a dog but...
GS: You're not peddlin' a book are ya?
JB: Excuse me?
GS: Ever notice how some expert comes on the news, statin' the obvious and then it turns out he's got some agenda like, oh let's see... Money?
JB: I needn't remind you that I live a cash-free life.
GS: Yeah, livin' on handouts and curb finds.
JB: I don't know why I come over here.
GS: I do. Pizza crusts.
JB: (sigh)
GS: I'm renting a carpet cleaner tomorrow, want to pitch in? Oh yeah, I forgot...
posted by Grunter Stevenson at 12:12 PM
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