LIFE OF LOUGAN

by Jack the Dog Barker

We take you inside the Lougan domain, where others fear to tread... Starring the omnipresence of Jack the Dog Barker.

Act I, sc iii

BOB (to REGGIE) So Reg, howzit goin'?

REGGIE Enph... S'okay.

LO BET Reg's pissed off cuz he got banned for life from Bingo World for stealin', ha-ha, cigarette butts!

BOB You wha'?

PAUL Banned. For life.

REGGIE Shut the fuck up.

JACK Woof.

LO BET I seen the whole thing happen!

BOB That's fuckin' disgusting my friend.

REGGIE I was a little low on funds.

LO BET And he needed a smoke.

REGGIE Well they don't mind takin' all your money and none of those fat bitches'll give ya one of theirs...

PAUL Hey Reg, how do you get sixty cows in a barn?

LO BET It was fuckin' hilarious... I've never seen him so pissed off!

REGGIE Shut up Bet.

LO BET Ah-ha-ha-ha, fuck you.

They sit in silence as the game progresses. After a while BOB breaks the silence -

BOB New shirt Paully?

PAUL Yeah, y'like it?

PAUL sticks out his chest to reveal his t-shirt. It reads - I Like To Watch.

BOB Cool.

LO BET We got it for Reggie...

REGGIE Like I'm gonna wear that!

PAUL We got it because we were watchin' a nature show the other night about these turtles an' one turtle does battle over this other turtle and one of 'em gets flipped over and then tries to watch the other two fucking.

LO BET Kinda like the first time me and Paul did it.

REGGIE We were camping for fuck's sakes.

LO BET So Paul said if Reg wouldn't wear it then he would.

PAUL Fuckin' rights! Thing cost me twenty bucks.

LO BET Hey. Do ya like mine?

She sticks out her chest to show off her shirt, it reads - Thank You For Not Bitching. BOB's eyes linger.

LO BET I seen it in a movie hey?

BOB Yeah? (to PAUL) Nice rack dude.

PAUL Thanks.

LO BET (feigning embarrassment) Shhuddupp...