LIFE OF LOUGAN

by J.D. Barker

Feet-turing... Lonesome Betty, Tall Paul, Bob, Reggie and your host - Jack the Dog Barker.

Act I, sc vii

LONESOME BETTY looks over at PAUL and then leans over and kisses him on the cheek.

LO BET (Whispers) The cleanest thing in our body is our mouth.

PAUL Yeah whatever.

LO BET Oh look, the seeds of intelligence. Maybe you'll sprout into a human bean...

This tweaks the ol' short man syndrome. BOB and REGGIE sense it. So does BETTY who snorts and shakes her head - there's no turning back now. JACK tries to leave without anyone noticing.

PAUL experiences shortness of breath. He stares vacantly at the television, trying not to display any symptoms. He stays like this for what seems like hours but is in fact only a few seconds. Steam will soon be coming out of his ears.

PAUL Jack!

JACK turns and sits back down on the carpet, his escape attempt foiled. PAUL looks around, the others are busy watching South Park. When did they change the channel?

BOB Who needs a beer?